-- Winter 2005 Edition --

Teaching Your Kids Responsibility   by Mrs. Ann Lustgarten, Fifth Grade Teacher at the Radburn School As she flew into the kitchen, hair flying, books scattered, my daughter would yell “Can you take me to school?  I’m gonna be late!”  And, as I did many mornings, I would throw my coat over my PJs, jump in the car and drop her off – just in time.  Then one morning, when she was about 10, I said, “Hey!  What am I doing to her?  I am taking away her sense of responsibility”  I said, “No!”  After a bit of hysterics, she headed down the street (with me watching) and around the corner to the school.  I quickly called the school to make sure they supported me, and believe it or not the ‘rush to school’ problem was solved. As a classroom teacher, I find more and more we are enabling our children to slack off on their responsibilities.  Bringing homework to school, sneakers on gym days, instruments for band or lunch are all examples of when children make requests to call home.  Sometimes we call.  Sometimes we need to say “No!”  We need to say “No!” more. Occasionally a child, who is normally quite responsible, does forget and needs to be helped out and in those circumstances we should allow them to be.  But all too often it is a child who habitually forgets, leaves work on the kitchen table, forgets to bring it home from school, loses it, and so forth.  We are not helping them when we ‘help’ them without also teaching some responsibility.  We must let them accept the consequences on their own. If they have put their heart and soul into a project and in the rush of the morning it is forgotten, that’s one thing.  On the other hand, we see frantic parents (and grandparents) come flying into the school office, papers, instruments, lunches) in hand, once again bailing out the irresponsible child.  It is constant with some. As adults, we want to be around other adults who show responsibility.  We want our police and fire personal to be prompt and prepared when they deal with the public.  What would happen if the fire officer said, “Oops!  I left the hose in the fire station!”  What about the plumber who tells us, “I’m sorry.  I can’t turn off that surging water, because I forgot my wrench!”? Children need to be taught to be responsible citizens.  Parents and teachers need to help them take the responsibility.  The report card even has a category that says “Accepts responsibility for personal conduct.”  Let’s do it.  Let US help them accept responsibility, but letting THEM accept it, instead of us accepting it for them.     See Mrs. Lustgarten's Previous Columns Conferences are Coming  (Fall 2004) Tenure For Fair Lawn's Teachers  (Summer 2004) Planning for the Summer  (Spring 2004) Overweight Kids (Winter 2004) Kids in the Summer (Summer 2003) Are Kids Different Today?   (April 2003) Taking Advantage of Down Time  (February 2003) Achoo:  What to Do With A Sick Child   (December 2002) Scheduling After-School Activities  (October 2002) Back To School  (August 2002) Summer With the Kids  (June 2002) PTA/PTO Involvement  (April 2002) Telling The Teacher  (February 2002)